My father’s chili is so hot the police are throwing it at protesters.

Posts The best part of getting older (for me) is when I think about how foolish and immature I was before and how grateful I am that it happens less and less.

Posts Ohai yoo gaiz! I can haz reeluzashun? I knoes engrish & 1337speak. ZOMG WTF BBQ?!

Translation: Hey, everyone! I just realized something: I’m bilingual. Isn’t that interesting?

Posts Punk’s not dead. It’s just cliche.

Posts Facebook just suggested I become friends with one of the worst human beings I have ever met. They need an “Add as enemy” button.

Posts Logging off. Going outside.

Posts One track on my playlist, repeat is turned on, and crossfading is turned on. Have I really been listening to the same song for half an hour?